I can still see the way his face crumpled.
He was ten years old, sat on the edge of his bed, small shoulders hunched, trying to be brave. It had been a rough time. One of those chapters in life where everything feels un-certain, where the ground doesn’t feel steady beneath your feet.
I wanted him to know that no matter what was happening, no matter how hard it felt, he wasn’t alone. But how do you tell a child that in a way that truly sinks in? How do you make them feel it in their bones?
So, I bought him a cuddly dog.
Not a bear, though that’s what I called him.
I sat beside him and placed the dog in his lap. “This is for you,” I said. “His name is No Matter What.”
He looked at me, puzzled.
I carried on.
“Because I want you to know that, although this is a difficult time, we will get through it together; I want you to know that I am in your corner, no matter what.”
And that’s when I saw it.
His face crumpled. His eyes welled up.
I thought he already knew this. But, in that moment, I could see that he didn’t.
And how could he? When we’re struggling, when we’re in the thick of all the challenges that neurodivergence brings, we all need to be reminded. Children especially.
We assume they know we love them. We assume they know we’ve got their backs. But until we actually say it – out loud, explicitly, in words they can hold onto – they might not. And, even if they do, it never hurts to hear it.
That dog bear lived on his bed for years. My 22-year-old still comes to me – not just when life is hard, but when life is good, too. Because the doors of communication were never closed. Because he knew, he knows, that I am in his corner, no matter what.
What this means for you…
I’ve told this story before. And over the years, many of you have shared your own No Matter What stories with me.
Some of you have told me that, after hearing it, you went out and bought your own version – a bear, a dog, a dinosaur, a blanket – whatever felt right. You gifted it to your child in a moment when they needed to hear it most.
And you told me how they clutched it, how they softened, how they needed those words more than you realised.
Because it made a difference.
So, if you’re reading this now, and you haven’t yet told your child explicitly, maybe today is the day.
- Don’t assume they know. Say it out loud.
- Find your own way to remind them.
- No matter what.
And, if you try this, I’d love to hear what happens.
Good luck.
Jannine
