From our July 2025 Newsletter
Naming the Real, Holding Ourselves Gently
By the time most of us realise money is an issue, the story in our heads has already formed:
“I should know better.”
“This is my fault.”
“Why can’t I just get a grip?”Let’s pause right there…
If you live with ADHD – or love someone who does – you know that managing money isn’t a matter of willpower. It’s a dance between brain wiring, emotional safety, executive function, and the very human fear of not being enough.
We talk often about time blindness in ADHD. But what if we also named its close cousin: money blindness?Not in a pathologising way. But in a way that brings truth into the light. Because money blindness isn’t about irresponsibility. It’s about not being well-anchored in the social construct that is money. It is devastating to be the person who can spend money three times, and still be wondering why you have none – or be the person who holds onto it so tightly because of fear.
What Is Money Blindness?
Money blindness is the difficulty seeing money as a continuous, manageable process of in and out. Instead, for many of us with ADHD, it feels like money just flows away. It’s either in our hands or bank balance (now) or it is this ethereal otherness (not now). It’s either in our hands or already gone.
This can look like:
- impulsive spending that offers a short-term dopamine hit
- avoiding bills or bank statements because it’s just too much
- all-or-nothing patterns of over-spending, then over-saving
- shame-driven over-monitoring (like checking your balance 20 times a day)
- panic when unexpected costs arise – even small ones
None of these behaviours mean you’re broken. They mean you’re human. A human with a brain that’s constantly processing urgency, emotion, and reward in ways the world doesn’t always understand.
Shame is a Liar – but it’s Loud!
Let’s be honest. Money shame cuts deep. Few things make us feel smaller than struggling to stay on top of finances. Especially when it seems like “everyone else” is managing just fine.
But shame never leads to change. It leads to hiding. It disconnects us from ourselves and from the support we need. It makes us think the problem is who we are, not what we’re up against.That’s why we need to replace shame with something more powerful – honesty and acceptance. This isn’t about saying, “Everything’s fine.” It’s about saying, “This is hard. This is real. And I’m still worthy of support, grace, and growth.”
Over-Control is also a Trauma Response
Some people with ADHD overspend. Others go the opposite way: they cling to control, checking balances obsessively, refusing to spend on themselves. They’re terrified that, if they relax for even a second, everything will fall apart.
Here is my lived truth:
I used to check my bank account 20 times a day. It gave me a sense of control, but underneath it was all anxiety. Eventually, I had to make peace with enough. Now I check morning and night, unless something comes up. That’s my adaptive balance. I honour what I need without feeding the fear.
My adaptive strategy for addressing my money blindness had become maladaptive – to the point of near obsession. I needed to soften the hypervigilance and find trust in myself again – bit by bit, with kindness – and with help.
Let’s Talk About the ADHD Tax (It’s NOT a Joke…)
We often joke about the “ADHD tax”. Missed deadlines, rush fees, duplicate purchases, parking tickets, forgotten subscriptions, expensive rebookings – but in truth, it’s not funny.
It’s real. It hurts. And it disproportionately affects people living in bodies and brains that weren’t built for rigid, neurotypical systems.
Take something simple like train tickets. For many, the cheapest option is the best option. But for people with ADHD?
- The risk of missing that exact train is high.
- Executive function failures happen.
- Distraction can derail plans.
- Overwhelm can cause last-minute changes.
So we buy the flexible ticket. And then feel like we need to justify it.
Yet it’s not a luxury. It’s self-accommodation. And it’s a false economy to deny ourselves what we actually need just to function.
Let’s stop apologising for making choices that honour our needs.
Modelling Real Money Conversations for Our Children
If you’re parenting with ADHD, or raising a child with it, there’s a natural worry. “Am I teaching the right money habits?”
Your child doesn’t need perfection. They need presence. They need to see that money isn’t always easy, and that challenges don’t equal failure.
Model:
- Openness: “We’ve had a surprise bill this month, so we’re adjusting.”
- Repair: “I forgot to cancel a subscription. Here’s how I’m fixing it.”
- Learning: “We’re saving together. Want to help me track it?”
When we speak about money as a skill and an asset, we teach them that they don’t have to get it right, that mistakes happen, and skills can be acquired.
Let your kids see the stumbles and the comebacks. That’s what sticks. The need to see that it’s difficult sometimes, that there are consequences, but that it’s okay.
If they adopt shame around money, they won’t tell you when they mess up – and that is dangerous. You can’t guide them until the shame has gone (and it’s the same with adults, to be fair).
An ACT-Informed Lens: Acceptance and Commitment
ADHD is not an excuse – not for money difficulties, or anything else. But it is an explanation. It’s the reason many of us struggle with financial planning, emotional spending, overwhelm, or avoidance.
This is where Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) comes in. ACT doesn’t ask us to fix ourselves. It asks us to get honest about our reality, and then take action that reflects our values.ADHD makes managing money harder. It affects time perception, motivation, impulse control, working memory, emotional regulation – all of it, all at once, almost all of the time.
Step one is Acceptance, saying: ADHD is why it is difficult, and that isn’t going to change or be wished away.
But Commitment is the next step: What do I need to be in place to manage money better?
That’s where support comes in. And the word that matters most here is: together.
People with ADHD often feel like they have to prove they can handle it alone. But real change usually happens when:
- there’s trust between people.
- there’s judgment-free space to speak honestly.
- there’s a shared commitment to solutions, not shame.
So instead of saying, “I should be better with money,” try this:
“I know I find money hard because of how my brain works. But I’m willing to commit to managing it with that in mind. I need support that honours my responsibility – without assuming I can do it all by myself.”
That might mean:
- using apps or systems that reduce cognitive load.
- checking in regularly with a trusted person (who will not shame you).
- outsourcing some tasks (like account setup or bill planning) – but not the responsibility.
- working with a coach or therapist on shame, triggers, and long-term patterns.
- setting values-based goals: “I want financial calm. I deserve to feel I have control of this.”
Remember… We are not looking for ‘perfect’, we’re after ‘better’. Small increments of change add up. Rubbish things and slip-ups will happen. We need people around us who will help us get a grip again – shame and judgement-free.
Let’s Keep the Conversation Going
Research from organisations like StepChange shows how many people are quietly struggling with money, and how those with ADHD and other neurodivergent profiles are overrepresented.
We need more than tools. We need less shame. We need to hear from people with Lived experience. We need to be a Community.
You are not bad with money. You are not irresponsible. You are not alone. You are navigating a world that wasn’t designed for your brain, and you’re doing it as best you can with what you have and what you know.
You can rebuild a new relationship with money and you deserve this!It’s okay to need help to achieve that. If you have someone you can ask for judgment-free help from, great. If not, coaching can really help. We provide cost-effective group coaching – it’s not free, but it’s worth it. Step Change is free, though. So please help them with their research in order that they can continue to help our community from a place of knowledge.
